Loving From a Place of Brokenness

The difference between immature and unconditional love.

Last week at my church group meeting, we were asking ourselves the question, “who do we feel unconditionally loved by?” My parents immediately came to mind, but that’s an easy answer. Then I talked about my best friend’s love for me and how she has always made me feel more loved and accepted than anybody else.

However, when two of my peers answered the question, they both had a lot more trouble than me. Instead of answering who makes them feel loved, they proceeded to talk about how unloving and conditional their family’s love for them makes them feel.

One thing I’ve come to understand is that someone’s love for us and our perception of their love for us are often times vastly different. From love languages to attachment styles, it is very difficult for human beings to express their love to another in a way that makes the other person feel loved.

One woman in my group wants her family to love her the way the Bible describes in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

First, let me clarify that I think many people mistake unconditional love and mature love.

Unconditional love means exactly what it sounds like — it is a love without conditions. It means, “I will love you no matter what you do, who you are, or whether you love me back.” Unconditional love is purely based on the person giving the love, and has little to nothing to do with the person receiving the love. It’s an incredibly difficult kind of love to live out.

Mature love and conditional love go hand in hand, but the main difference is that mature love is based on how well you love others. Mature love reflects the growth of a person or relationship. Instead of saying, “I will love you no matter what,” it says, “This is how I…

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