Relinquish Control and Embrace Agency Instead

Reflections by a crazy cat lady and recovering control freak

What had finally enabled me to relinquish fear-driven control and embrace (and share) purpose-driven agency (apart from unforgiving circumstances that offered me no viable alternative)? I found that I cannot share control with someone else without loosing some (weakening my own control). This constrained far too many years of my life, resulting in spiritual and creative poverty, until I’ve gradually become acquainted with and liberated by the concept of “agency”.

Agency means to me that although the outcome cannot necessary be guaranteed, I am still allowed to at least contribute and even intervene in a given scenario to pivot it towards a desirable result. I have also realized that agency, unlike control, I can share over and over again with others, thereby opening up a world of insights and ideas from beautiful and gifted minds I encounter along the way. Control on the other hand, is the selfish, fast-food version of agency, especially in personal relationships.

Controlling behaviour may provide a sense of security in the moment, but erodes the long term psychological safety of everyone involved. Agency is the sustainable wholesome mutual beneficial alternative. Loosing a little bit of control, opening up my heart for input, impulses and potential inspiration from unexpected sources — allowing myself to be surprized — reignited my creativity.

I discovered that be it your inner child or that of your loved ones (or other benevolent influences) to whom you grant agency within your life, you do not always need to have all the answers worked out by your own rational thought process to be successful.

I now leave you with this friendly challenge, dear reader: Enrich you life by simply rendering yourself available to intuitively channel wisdom through compassion and creativity.

Loose control, free yourself and gain an ever expanding world of love and inspiration.

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